If you read my last post you may know that lately, I’ve stayed up Past My Bedtime. It’s been going on for a bit, and except for that particular night, I would have been in bed earlier if it was my choice. I am one of those mom’s who is uncomfortable going to bed before my children are home safe. Most of the time, this is not because I can’t sleep if they’re not home, but because I sleep like a log, and then wake up with a start, in a panic, because I don’t know if they made it home safe. So I wait….and mostly it doesn’t bother me, unless I’m extremely tired, and then I get crabby. Sometimes, I sleep and set my phone alarm for around the time they’ll be home so I can doze until they’re home safe. I know, you’re probably are thinking, “CRAZY!“, and I may be. But it works for me, and finding what works is a good thing.
Last night I was beat, I’d had a long week, and yesterday I attended a memorial service for a much loved family member, so it was one of those emotional days. I actually think I was handling my emotions better prior to the service, than after, but that’s a whole different story. I really wanted to enjoy staying up late because I didn’t have to get up in the morning, but needless to say, I couldn’t hold my eyes open. I was looking forward to SLEEP, and mostly, not having to set an alarm to wake up for anything! I had the “yeeeessss” thought! I new for sure I’d sleep till at least 8 and that would be wonderful! (Yes, that’s “sleeping in” for me)
WRONG! I woke up with a start! AT 4:40am! I think, one of the cats made a noise, but who the heck knows why, the most frustrating thing was that I was awake and that was the START of my thinking. I tried to quiet my mind, but it didn’t work. I tried to go to back to sleep, but it didn’t work! I thought, I relaxed, I tried to get comfortable and yet I KNEW I wasn’t going back to sleep.
I prayed. I prayed the Lords prayer, I say that prayer a couple times a week. I attended a book study on the meaning of each line of the prayer, and, so…. I thought about that. I thought about how the priest had (in my opinion) butchered the prayer at the memorial service. Mostly, because he quoted a paraphrased version, spoke way too fast, and then didn’t even recite the last line!
Can you get the mind racing picture….no sleep for me!
Then…. I thought about a comment the priest had made during the memorial service about missing the person who had left us, and remembered how I missed my dad when he passed. The times when I was caught off guard the most, were prominent in my mind. How I’d see something, or hear a statement, and quickly think “I’m going to call dad and tell him”. Then, just as quickly, I’d remember, he’s not here. I’m lucky, I have a great (step) dad who would do just about anything for me, but he’s not here either. He lives in another state, and sometimes he’s actually asleep! I know he wouldn’t care one bit if I called him, but I’d feel bad waking him.
So I thought about all the other times I couldn’t sleep….I had a feeling I was going to be awake for the day. “I should get up, pray, and read my bible, that always seems to quiet my thoughts” and usually I can go back to sleep. Then I realized something wonderful……..Thank goodness I can spend time with my Father in heaven at anytime. He’s always awake, always there, always listening and He always knows just what I need. I love it when I open my bible to some random place and find just the right words. The words that were meant just for me, and how I’m feeling. The words that comfort and relax me. If you read your bible often, you most likely understand just what I mean when I say, “that random place, wasn’t so random”. I love those moments, they give me peace. Dad’s do that you know, they WANT to comfort their children, to give them peace. I think this is actually what He wanted too. For me to need Him, because when I need Him, it works.
Had I not written, I most likely could have been alseep by now, but I had to share. And now, phones are ringing, keys are opening the front door, and my family is actually moving about….. what’s going on, it’s only 6:30?