The other day I was thinking about how blessed I was to have found Jesus. I remembered how, for lack of a better word, “broken”, I felt. It wasn’t one of those things where I knew I wanted God in my life. I didn’t. I didn’t have an aversion to God, I was taught that there was a creator and that Jesus was God’s son and he died on the cross. However, I didn’t understand the “died on the cross for me“ aspect of God sending His son.
I never thought of what that meant for me. In fact, it was a total surprise to me that Jesus could love me just the way I was, with all the mistakes I had made! It was also, a surprise to me, that on that day, I found myself raising my hand to accept Jesus as MY personal Lord and Savior! I could have said, “I don’t even know what made me do that”. But I’ll tell you what, as much as a surprise as it was for me, it wasn’t a surprise for Jesus. That one decision, was the BEST decision I made in my life, and has evolved over the years into a one-on-one daily relationship with my Savior.
It hasn’t always been like that, you know, the relationship part, but as life has changed for me, God has used certain situations, good and bad, to draw me near to Him. Trust me there have been many “situations” during the last 15 years where I truly have drawn close. The bible say’s in James 4:8, to come near to God and He will come near to you”. I try to remember that!
For years I had a wooden plaque hanging in my house. The plaque, made by my daughter at bible camp, was special to me, not only because it was given to me by my daughter but also because it had a saying that I loved. The saying “God can mend your broken heart, if you’ll give Him all the pieces” expressed exactly what had happened for me. I remember, often thinking about how true it was and how pertinent the message.
Today, one of the things I think about often is how the world doesn’t think that God can make a difference to them personally. I know so many who would testify with their personal experience otherwise and yet, those who don’t know Christ can’t see how it would help. Some, having no aversion to God, may even feel like they have to get themselves together before going to church. Like me, they may feel not good enough.
As I look back, I realize that I thought I had it all together and yet on the inside I knew all my sin and inequities. Not to mention I was totally insecure, I knew me! I would have never admitted how I felt and I guess, I was lucky. I didn’t have time to think my decision through, I just found myself in the right place at the right time. For those who are thinking that they need to think God through, you’re missing out. You can’t think God through, but you can come to Jesus just as you are, in all your “brokeness”. He is the one who can heal all the pieces, but you are the one that has to give Him the pieces to heal. “The pieces” mean, your insecurities, your marriage, your addiction, your children, you! He’s the one who can help you see how you need Him.
Today, I’m not perfect, nobody is, and I make mistakes, still. That’s why I need Jesus. Will I ever feel perfect? I doubt it, but perfectly imperfect is ok with me.
As for my heart…I live in this world…it gets broken every once in a while. But I know I am a child of God, and he loves ALL of this children. He wants the best for me so I’ll keep giving Him the pieces to pick up and put back together. I trust that He knows what’s good for me.