Learning to Set Boundaries….For Myself

Learning to Set Boundaries….For Myself

There was a time when I wasn’t so good at establishing boundaries, not just for the people around me but also for myself. I routinely put myself on the back burner to take care of others. It wasn’t like I had to, but I felt this kind of compulsion to help even when I had to sacrifice myself. I might even say I felt obligated or guilty. Honestly, I still have those feelings, but I’ve learned to keep them in check and not railroad my feeling in order to accommodate someone else.  Sometimes I don’t do it well, but I’m always trying to find balance! was kind of like my own enemy. I had to begin to put myself first occasionally.   

Kind of like putting the oxygen mask on in an airplane; you must take care of you before you can take care of others. I’m sure it wasn’t as life threatening as putting on an oxygen mask in an airplane situation, but it was not healthy.  As women, I think we’re so busy juggling the husband, kids, work, etc., etc., that we begin to put ourselves on the back burner.  And honestly, I think a little bit of that is ok, even understandable but it’s not healthy if YOU are the one doing all of the sacrificing.  

The lightbulb moment

My “ah ha!” moment, when I realized that something was out of whack, happened in the grocery store.  I was buying ice cream. While trying to decide what flavor to choose, I wondered “should I buy the hubby’s favorite or one of the daughter’s?”  I decided that this time I’d choose MY favorite for a change…. except I really wasn’t sure what flavor was my favorite! I knew everyone else’s favorite flavor, but I had to stand there and think about what I liked! I was stunned! When did this happen and why did I have to really think about what I liked yet could tell you each family member’s favorite! That was a little awakening for me.

Time to change

I slowly stared to notice times when things like this would happen and I began to choose me above a family member. Not selfishly, just including my likes, wants and desires into the mix of the family’s. I began to share about how I felt and what I wanted. I started with little things, so I could grow my self-confidence muscle, (it was scrawny) and I worked from there.  I began to speak up and I began to feel better. Even my family began to “know me” a little better.

Today I’m much better about knowing what I want and sharing it. I’ve come to notice that when I speak up, my family is supportive. They were never really unsupportive, just happy to be first all of the time. Actually, they’d still love that! But as much as it wasn’t healthy for me to sacrifice myself all the time, it also it not healthy for them to be first all the time.  It’s a win, win situation, at least I think so….not so sure about the family though.

10 Inspirational thoughts on Self-Care

Let me tell you about a little trick I learned, when you find a little saying or quote or bible verse that is especially meaningful, write it down and put it somewhere where you’ll see it often. Or put in in a pocket and every time you put your hand in the pocket, you’ll remember the saying.  It’s a great way to remember positive thoughts. Here are a couple of inspirational quotes to help remember that it’s OK to put you first once in a while

  • Taking care of myself doesn’t mean “me first.” It means “me too”
  • Believe what God say’s about you
  • Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.
  • Remember to save some of you for you
  • Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.
  • Don’t ever feel guilty for doing what’s best for you
  • Remember to save some of you for you
  • You deserve to be at the top of your To-Do List
  • To Do: Live in the moment
  • Give the same kindness to yourself that you would give to others
  • Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others
  • Do something nice for yourself today

I hope these little thoughts help you to remember to be good to yourself, you deserve it.

Be Blessed and bless others,


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