The blog posts over the last few days regarding marriage and the happily ever after syndrome have brought up some thoughts from yours truly…like I am an expert right? Wrong!, but I have learned a few things from my marriage so if sharing can help someone else… well, I’m sharing!
So with that said, a very important truth I’ve learned over the last couple of years is…
You don’t have to always be right! – This is some good advice not only in marriage but in all areas of life. Being right isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and if you take a look at the reasons it’s important for you to be right, you’ll find some pretty ugly character defects. Take a look. Why do you have to be right? Why is it so important? Is it your ego?
Do you feel the that if they are wrong then you must be right? Does being right make you feel better? Is it some need to correct others, to look for flaws because if they are flawed then you feel better about yourself? If you’re not right, does that then mean that you must be wrong? Is being wrong a bad thing? Being wrong does not mean that you’re bad! Did you hear that one! Being wrong does not make you bad. Who knows where that comes from, could be some left over childhood crazy thinking, but seriously it’s ok if you’re wrong!
How about how it makes the other person feel? Pointing out how someone is wrong usually does not result in the other person, you know…your spouse, the person that you love, having a warm and snuggly feeling toward you. Most likely you’ve put them on the defensive which is not a good feeling. I remember the first time I mentioned to the hubby that he may be right, he was mid sentence into his defense when he stopped dead, and said, “What did you just say?” I repeated it again, trying not to laugh! His response, “what does that mean?” You see, he was so used to me arguing about anything and everything, not even considering that he may be right, that he didn’t even know what to think! PLUS, it stopped the argument right in that spot. There was nothing left to say. The need to be right causes so many arguments! My need to be right caused soooo many arguments, but today…hardly any arguments.
So let them be right, most of the time! If you must be right, pick your battles, make sure that’s is REALLY important. You don’t have to sacrifice your deep heartfelt truths but they shouldn’t have to do that either! It’s ok if they have a different opinion that you do, it doesn’t make one of you wrong! Everyone is allowed to feel and have their own opinions that’s what makes us unique individuals. You’ll feel better about yourself and you’ll find peace.
Trying to be right takes a large amount of mental energy and can alienate us from the ones we love. Kindness on the other hand, is usually like a boomerang, it comes right back at you. When you can, choose kindness instead of being right. When you’re kind, your spouse will feel better about you, and you’ll feel better about you. Being right usually does not make you happy, so … as I’ve heard it asked before, “Would you rather be right or be happy?” Think about it.
Proverbs 11:2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.